HOLLYWOOD SUE CAMERON: THE ADVENTURES OF "THELMA AND LOUISE" AKA LESLEY ANN WARREN AND ME

I WASN'T GOING TO TELL THIS STORY BUT.....................

At an Oscar gathering. I'm in my favorite outfit (pajamas) and Lesley is wearing a diamond tiara and sequins.

NOT at an Oscar gathering

It started on Friday night of Oscar weekend. The skies were clear; the air was crisp. Lesley Ann and I were headed for the ten millionth time to hear our friend, Jane Monheit, in concert at the Valley
Performing Arts Center. Her show started at 8 p.m.

6:30 p.m. Lesley said, "Do you need to put it in your navigation?"
"Oh, no," said I confidently. "I know exactly where it is."
"Are you sure," asked Lesley.
"Positive," I answered.

It was quite dark out, but I knew for sure the Center was on the right side of the 101 north somewhere after Calabasas. We drove in the darkness as I looked for the big building. It never appeared.

7:35 p.m. "This isn't looking good," said Lesley. "It's just not that far. I was there recently to see Patty Lupone. It was only 20 minutes from my house."

"I am getting a little concerned. Maybe we should just pull off the freeway and figure it out ," I replied, a little bit of terror rising in my heart.

We got off the freeway as soon as we could and I turned right. Here's where we dead-ended.

WE WERE AT LEISURE VILLAGE FOR SENIORS IN CAMARILLO!!!!! Jane was going to go on in 20 minutes. After a laughing fit, we both realized we'd better find a bathroom.

We prayed for this, but none was to be found. We were in something called the Santa Rosa Hills.

THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT. I was the one who insisted I knew where I was going.

I finally put the address in the navigation system and then promptly got on the freeway going the wrong way!

It was 33 miles to Jane Monheit and she was going on in two minutes!

Just as I got on the freeway the right way, the alarm went off in my car to say that I was about to run out of gas. Not wanting to wet the seats, Lesley and I tried to reign in our laughter. What a disaster.

At 8:20 we pulled into an Arco station near the Valley Performing Arts Center on fumes. They didn't take credit cards! Fortunately, I had a debit card. We decided to "hold it" even longer because we were so close to the show right now that we wanted to use the nicer powder room at the Center. And, of course our Jane seats were down front where we surely would be noticed for coming in so late.

At 8:40 we were on the road, happy that we were only four blocks away. Our turn was just one block away. I said, "Well, it couldn't get any worse." But before we could get there this happened--

YEP. ROBBERY IN PROGRESS.

At 8:45 we lost it. Could we even make it by intermission? I turned right with a vengeance, went around another block and got to the front of the Center, only to find the parking lots unavailable. The attendants had gone home. I realized the Center was part of a school and I saw a "kind of" driveway.
I turned on it and realized I was now driving on a pedestrian-only walkway through the school.

"Oh My God. Now we're going to get arrested," said Lesley.
"No we're not."
"Do you realize what you're doing? Watch out. You could hit someone."
"Ah ha. A driveway through a building," said I.
"It's too narrow; you'll never make it!"
"Oh, yes I will! I'm going to get through it and I just know it will lead us to the Center. I'm going to drive right up to the front door, stop the car and we'll just get out. I don't care."

I did just that.

The GORGEOUS Valley Performing Arts Center

9:00 p.m. We get into the Center and ask for the ladies room. Jane's intermission was going to begin in two minutes!

Well, we saw the second half of Jane's great, sold-out show and then visited with her and her husband, Ricky, afterwards. There were too many people in the dressing room to tell her what really happened. Now she knows.

So, Jane, through rain, sleet, snow or insanity, we will always find a way to get there.

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P.S. Just a few Oscar party pictures. We are very vocal, and we are armed with things to throw at the TV set if someone comes on we don't like.